


Hitagi Eel

by darkcherrymystery



Category: Bakemonogatari
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, Gay Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24548395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkcherrymystery/pseuds/darkcherrymystery
Summary: A luxuriously self-absorbed reimagining of early events in the series in an AU in which Koyomi and Hitagi are a trans guy and girl, respectively, and Kanbaru’s a dude.
Relationships: Araragi Koyomi/Senjougahara Hitagi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 29





	1. Chapter 1

As the chimes from the Naoetsu High School clock rang out, signaling the end of the school day, I was hurrying up a flight of stairs.

My destination was only a couple stories above me, but whenever you’re late, whatever path you’re on tends to feel unnaturally long, right? Stairs are a particularly bad offender. You start thinking _Surely it’s just the next landing_ , only to find there’s still two more floors to go.

At that moment, the main staircase at my private high school seemed to be pushing me back like I was trying to climb a “down” escalator—the rectangular stairwell itself appeared to rearrange into an extravagant spiral, the kind you’d find in a Western-style palace.

As I reached the second floor landing, I heard a strange sound coming from just above.

I caught my breath and looked up—a girl was teetering on the third-floor railing. _You shouldn’t sit on the railing, it’s dangerous_ , I thought, and no sooner had I formed a cautionary “Hey!” in my mouth than the girl slipped backward and began to fall.

Without thinking, I leapt forward to catch her.

It was a better decision than letting her hit the ground, right?

Well, maybe it was a mistake.

Her long, dark hair was flaring wildly, but her face seemed oddly serene as she fell through the air. She had the grace of an Olympic diver… or perhaps a suicide jumper. In any case, her calm demeanor abruptly changed to one of shock and alarm when her body hit my arms.

Her eyes, which had been almost closed as if in a daze, shot wide open, and she glared at me as if I were some kind of demon.

I guess she didn’t want to be caught.

“Caught” is a funny word. A ball wants to be caught, as does someone who accidentally falls down. But a robber, or anyone doing something “wrong” or suspicious, doesn’t. I wonder which meaning best applied in her case.

Because, at that moment, I was closer to Senjougahara Hitagi than anyone I’d ever seen at Naoetsu High School, and I had most certainly caught her. I’d caught a glimpse of something about her body that she didn’t want anyone, much less a boy in her class, to see.

I set her down, and she immediately took off running down the stairs.

I briefly considered calling after her, but it was obvious she was even more mortified about what just happened than I was, and I was already late to where I was supposed to be.

I blinked a few times, then began climbing the stairs in the opposite direction as Senjougahara, though a bit slower than I had before.


	2. Chapter 2

The windowpanes cast long shadows into the third-story classroom in which I, assistant class representative Araragi Koyomi, was discussing some trivial matter with our main class representative and resident genius Hanekawa Tsubasa. I say “trivial matter,” but in previous years the topic of the school cultural festival would have been one of the most important issues for students in our position—now that we’re third years, though, studying for college entrance exams is far more pressing.

As our discussion wound down, I decided to ask Hanekawa about the girl I’d caught on the stairs. After certain events, I’d started to consider her a friend I trusted… my first friend in years, actually, but that’s beside the point. Plus, she’s a boundless source of knowledge. Could even say she knows everything.

“There’s a student in our class named Senjougahara, right?”

“Senjougahara-san? The one who sits in the back, doesn’t talk much… What about her?”

“Well, you know how she’s always calling in sick and skipping gym class? I was just… concerned about whether she’s feeling well enough to participate in the festival.”

Hanekawa seemed taken aback. Though, not without reason—I guess this was the first time I’d shown interest in anyone at school.

“Hmm?” Hanekawa cocked her head.

“W-well, you know, I just got curious because she has such an unusual name…”

Hanekawa smiled. “Senjougahara is a place name. It’s a hiking spot in Tochigi, I believe.”

“I meant her first name…”

“Her first name? ‘Hitagi’… My best guess would be that ‘Hitagi’ comes from a civil engineering term… ‘ _hitagiri_ ’ maybe, but I’m not entirely sure.”

“Wow, you really do know everything.”

“I don’t know everything. Just what I know.”

We always have to fit it in somewhere.

“Weird name, right?” I said. “I’ve never heard of anyone else named Hitagi.”

“Araragi-kun…” Hanekawa knit her brows. “Did something happen with Senjougahara-san?” Her tone sounded less like one she’d use for friendly banter and more like that of an earnest class rep.

I averted my eyes. “Nothing worth reporting.”

“Did you hear a rumor?”

Surprised, I looked back at Hanekawa. “A rumor?”

She sighed, then put on a half-hearted grin.

“I suppose you wouldn’t. You don’t have anyone to gossip with besides me.”

Hey, that hurts.

I have plenty of people to talk to. I can even count them on a whole hand!

…Realizing just how sad that actually sounded, I returned Hanekawa’s half-smile.

“True. If you don’t mind me asking, what kind of rumor is it?”

Hanekawa frowned. “It’s not the kind of thing I should be spreading, even to you, Araragi-kun. I’m sure Senjougahara-san has enough on her plate already. Maybe it would be best to leave her be.”

“You’re probably right, as usual.”

She _was_ right. Senjougahara clearly did not want anyone, much less me, anywhere near her—and if what I’d seen earlier that afternoon could be believed, she had a very good reason.

A few minutes later, I said my goodbyes to Hanekawa and exited the classroom.

Hanekawa was right, wasn’t she?

Senjougahara has enough on her plate—my interference would be a nuisance at best, and might even cause a crisis at worst. I, of all people, should be able to empathize with her… but that’s the thing, isn’t it? Wouldn’t that also mean I’m the person at this school who’s best suited to helping her?

Stewing in my own confusion, I stepped out into the hallway and closed the door.

No sooner had I turned toward the stairwell than I found two cold metal rods jammed against my groin.

“Don’t move,” said a soft, breathy, yet resolute voice. “This is a taser.”

I looked up to find the source of the voice—of course, it was none other than Senjougahara Hitagi. She was posed artfully, with one arm holding the stun gun and the other across her chest, and her legs spread slightly, feet planted firmly on the floor. Though she seemed to have recovered her poise since the fall, her eyes were glaring at me even more fiercely.

“Let me rephrase. You’re free to move, but doing so may permanently damage your reproductive capabilities.”

_I get it, okay?_

Actually, this was the most I’d ever heard Senjougahara speak. I got the sense that her voice might be nice to listen to if it wasn’t threatening to tase me.

“You seem to understand the situation. Good.”

She smiled thinly. I somehow managed an awkward smile in return, though sweat was starting to accumulate on my brows.

“First of all, I apologize for my carelessness. I didn’t expect the railing to be freshly washed and therefore slippery, and I didn’t expect anyone to be climbing _up_ the stairs at that time either. But that can’t be helped. I fell, and you caught me. And in so doing—”

Senjougahara’s voice suddenly lost a bit of its harshness, and she looked down at the taser.

Or, rather, at my crotch.

A little red tinged my face.

“You _saw_ , didn’t you?”

I scratched my chin with a forefinger and looked at the ceiling. “Saw… well…”

Senjougahara pressed the taser against my groin again and looked directly into my eyes.

“Don’t play dumb. I know there are rumors about me. Even a gloomy bitch with no friends can pick up on that much, Araragi-kun. Nevertheless, I’ve been successful at keeping the rumors as rumors for more than two years now, and I’d be rather troubled if my efforts were ruined by the likes of you.”

Whatever happened to that “ephemeral” impression I had of this girl? Or was that just the impression she wanted to give off?

“D-don’t worry, Senjougahara-san. I won’t tell anyone what I saw.”

“Oh? Then what were you just talking about with Hanekawa-san?”

“Hanekawa… Wait, were you listening in?”

She looked away. “That doesn’t matter.”

I mean, I suppose it doesn’t in the grand scheme of things, but this girl obviously has some serious issues.

“All I need from you is silence. For you to not say a word about me, even if all your little friends are gossiping and the peer pressure is boring holes in your brain. Do you think you can do that, Araragi-kun?”

She honestly looked concerned.

To reassure her, I puffed up my chest.

“Don’t worry, Senjougahara. I don’t have any other friends.”

Was I imagining things, or did I detect a hint of pity in her face?

“Well… as long as you understand.”

I sighed. Can you get that thing away from me, now?

“Thank you very much, Araragi-kun.”

Just when I was starting to relax, Senjougahara winked, and without any warning lightly tapped the trigger on the stun gun.

I felt a tingle.

She was halfway through putting the taser in her bag when she suddenly looked up at me, alarmed. …Well, I say “looked up,” but we’re about the same height, so it’s more like she straightened up and looked me in the eyes.

I scratched the back of my head.

“Heh, I really thought you were going to shock me there.”

“I…” Senjougahara’s soft voice faltered. “That should have been enough to make you double over in pain, at least…”

I raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“I even tested it on m… never mind.”

She looked embarrassed. This was, apparently, not part of her plan.

“W-why didn’t it work?” she muttered. “Araragi-kun…”

“Yes?”

“Are you wearing some kind of athletic protective equipment? You didn’t seem like much of an athlete, but…”

“I’m not wearing anything like that.”

“Then…”

I rubbed my neck, and sighed deeply. Hanekawa’s voice saying, “I’m sure Senjougahara-san has enough on her plate already. Maybe it would be best to leave her be,” echoed in my mind. This girl didn’t want anyone talking about her, let alone approaching her, much, much less trying to help her. The correct choice would be to respect her wishes, do as she says, and ignore her for the rest of the school year.

But when a girl appears in front of me struggling with an issue that I’m in a unique position to help her with… I really just don’t have a choice.

“It didn’t work because you didn’t hit me. Directly, at least.”

She creased her brows. “Come again?”

“What you were jamming that taser into…” I put on a self-deprecating grin. “It’s not what you thought it was.”

She blinked. “It’s not your…”

“Don’t have one.”

“What?”

The exclamation came out in a deeper voice than either of us were expecting, and Senjougahara turned bright red and covered her mouth.

Moving right past that.

“If I have to keep your secret, I think it’s only fair for you to keep mine.”

“B… Wh… H…”

“Surprised to the point where you can only say the first letters of words? That’s a bit unusual, but I’ll take it as a compliment.”

If this were animated, Senjougahara’s eyes would have spirals spinning around in them.

Though it may have been an overly forward gesture given how she had just attempted to shock me with a stun gun, I stepped forward and patted her on the shoulder.

“Well, I really have to get going, but if you ever need someone to confide in… or, not to be presumptuous, a friend, let me know. We’re in the same class, after all.”

“Mm,” was all she managed to get out in response.

“See ya later, Senjougahara,” I said, and started walking toward the stairwell, leaving her frozen in the hallway. I don’t know why—maybe it was my body relaxing after such a tense confrontation—but I felt like running.

As I crossed the third-floor landing, I heard the distant sounds of Hanekawa discovering Senjougahara outside the classroom. “Senjougahara-san? Is something wrong? Did you need…”

Her voice faded as I descended the stairs.

I caught myself leaping multiple stairs at once, and slowed down.

_That’s dangerous—wouldn’t want to fall._


	3. Chapter 3

Mother’s Day—the day on which we give thanks to our mothers for being our mothers.

Though, at the moment, I was letting my little sisters handle all the thanking. After all, it’s not like I asked her to give birth to me.

Much less like _this._

Ever since I ditched the sailor uniform for a _gakuran_ when I started high school, I haven’t had the best relationship with my mother. So, on this particular day I felt especially out of place at home, and had taken off on my bike early in the morning.

I’d pedaled around aimlessly for a while, and at that moment I was taking a rest on a local park bench. Despite it being Sunday, I was the only person there; I suppose everyone’s inside treating their mothers to food and gifts and affection and crap like that.

It’s a strange feeling, being alone in a place that’s usually crowded.

Almost feels like the world has ended, and you’re the only one left. Or, like you’ve died and moved on to a spiritual plane. Either way, it’s trancelike, almost intoxicating—or maybe just depressing.

I was sitting on a bench, looking intently down at my knees, when a familiar voice woke me from my reverie.

“My, my, if it isn’t Araragi-kun. I was following the stench of a dead animal, and it led me right to you.”

Setting aside that obviously false aspersion, I looked up to find Senjougahara Hitagi strolling toward me across the park. It was the first time I’d seen her outside of her Naoetsu High School uniform (like most people in my class).

She was wearing a black V-necked top bound just beneath her chest with a pink ribbon, under which it puffed out around her waist and hips. The puff was accentuated by the pair of equally puffy manila short shorts she had on underneath, and her legs were completely covered by black tights. She had drawn her long hair back in a ponytail.

I could make out a black choker around her neck, too.

I don’t know much about these things, but it struck me not only as a very stylish getup, but also as an outfit expertly selected to emphasize and de-emphasize what she wanted to. Well, I suppose she’s had a couple years of experience. We’ve both adapted in our own ways.

As I was sitting there entranced by her casual clothes, she stopped right in front of me.

“Mind if I sit next to you?”

“Oh… sure.” I scooted over for her. “Not like it’s a one-person bench.”

“What a stupid thing to say.” She chuckled, and sat down.

Setting aside that obviously true aspersion.

“Now, Araragi-kun, I’m sure you’re wondering how I found you here.”

“Wasn’t it because of the dead animal smell?”

“That was just a joke.” She leaned closer to me. “Surely even you could tell that. You smell like…” Her face contorted. “A sweaty little boy who’s been rolling around in excrement.”

Setting aside that obviously false aspersion!

I may be sweaty, but the only thing that’s been rolling around are the wheels on my bicycle!

“Well, Senjougahara—how did you find me?”

“Just a coincidence.”

A coincidence, huh.

“Are you, by any chance, the type who doesn’t believe in coincidences, Araragi-kun?”

“I wouldn’t go that far. I think there are some real coincidences—totally unrelated events that just randomly happen to look alike. But this kind of coincidence… I don’t think it’s entirely real. You know, there’s probably a reason why we’re both out and about on Mother’s Day, and since we both live in this town, I feel like the chances of us meeting in a public gathering place like this are actually pretty high.”

I glanced over at Senjougahara, who looked completely flabbergasted, with her mouth wide open.

“I’m shocked and appalled, Araragi-kun. You’re actually capable of forming halfway decent thoughts. How could you hide this from me?”

_I think you’re going a little over the top with the_ tsun _part of the_ tsundere _thing,_ I thought. Halfway decently.

“I can’t help it. To be honest, I haven’t spoken casually to anyone my age in years…”

“Still, there’s no need to push _me_ away.” I puffed out my chest and tried to give a reassuring grin.

She looked bemused.

“Don’t go thinking you’re special just because we’re both sexual minorities.”

My head drooped.

“In any case, I think you’re right about this coincidence. Forgive me for prying, but I assume you don’t have a very good relationship with your mother, either?”

Ever since she accidentally came out to me the other day, I’ve felt like I have a vague obligation to confide my own secrets to her to make things even, so I wasn’t all that reluctant to answer.

“Well, I wouldn’t say we have a _bad_ relationship. She tolerates me… she’s just disappointed.”

“Disappointed?”

“I have two little sisters—”

“I know.”

How did you know that?!

“A-and the bigger of the two is really athletic and outdoorsy. I’m a bit on the taller side, but she’s a total outlier. Over 170 centimeters now, and still growing. The smaller one is more traditional, but she’s prone to… outbursts. So, basically, my mom is disappointed that I couldn’t be the perfect daughter she thought she was raising.”

“I see…”

“Well, her being disappointed in me isn’t so bad most of the time. It’s just on Mother’s Day, it gets a little awkward.”

“And that’s why you’re wallowing in sweat and self-pity on this bench.”

At least I’m not wallowing in excrement.

“Well, how about you, Senjougahara? Why are you here?”

She laughed—a clear, staccato laugh. I mean, it’s not like she’s under any obligation to tell me, but after I just opened up to her…

“I… have a bad relationship with my mother.”

“Ah.” I thought she was going to elaborate, but her voice trailed off, and it seemed that was all I was going to get.

“I’m sorry, I don’t like talking about it.”

“That’s fine.”

She sighed. “She and my dad were already fighting every day when I… came out. My dad’s always treated me well… I think he always wanted a daughter… but it was kind of the last straw for my mother. She… left.”

Hmph.

To be honest, that’s a little darker than I was expecting. I tried not to let it show on my face.

“You don’t…” I tried to pick my words. “Blame yourself—”

“Of course I do. How could I not, given what happened? But I also think she might have left anyway, and the fact that it was me who finally drove her over the edge was just… a coincidence.”

Coincidences like that happen too, huh.

“I like to believe in coincidences, even if they’re not real.”

It was a lucky coincidence that made _me_ the guy who caught her on the stairs—if another girl had fallen, or another guy had caught her, Senjougahara and I might never have found out about each other, and in that latter case her life might have taken a very dark turn.

Like it very well may have if _nobody_ had been there to catch her.

“I don’t put much stock in coincidences, but I’ll take ‘em when I can get ‘em.”

“I see. You’re that kind of person, Araragi-kun.”

Senjougahara pushed herself closer to me. Close enough that I could feel her breath on my neck—hey, hey, hey, hey, you can’t just do that to an 18-year-old guy with no sexual experience, even one like me!

Whether or not she noticed my cheeks flush and my heart thumping, she continued.

“Honestly, Araragi-kun, I wanted to thank you. I was so intent on not letting anyone near me that I never even considered the possibility of having a friend… someone on my side.”

“Y-you’re welcome. The only other person at school I’ve talked about this stuff with is Hanekawa…”

“Hanekawa-san. What do you see in that goody-two-shoes class rep? Do you… like her?”

“Well, yes, I like her, but not in the way you’re implying. She’s just a friend.”

Senjougahara sat back. “I wonder if she would be happy to hear that.”

“Whether she would be or not, I think she’s a good enough friend that she’d stick with me no matter what.”

I said what I really believed; Senjougahara seemed to relax. Slump, almost.

“I never saw you with friends before Hanekawa-san.”

_Well, yes, that’s because I was maintaining my power level as a human—_ wait, how long has she been keeping an eye on me?!

“Oh, don’t look so shocked. Loners are good at perceiving other loners, aren’t they? When one of them betrays their kind, it’s quite obvious. I actually hated you for a little while, Araragi-kun.”

You can’t tell me not to be shocked and then divulge shocking revelation after shocking revelation!

“…I’m glad you don’t hate me anymore, Senjougahara.”

“Who said I don’t?”

“Don’t be a contrarian for contrarianism’s sake.”

“Who says I’m a contrarian? I still have my taser, you know. And now I know where to aim.”

“Miss Senjougahara, please don’t resort to violence at every opportunity.”

She got up from the bench and headed over toward the swing set. It was on the other side of the park, so I had no choice but to stand up and follow her.

Which she clearly wanted me to do, given how she turned around expectantly after walking a few steps.

“Now, Araragi-kun, I really do want to thank you. You didn’t have to go through the trouble to help someone like me. You’re like a prince who’s showing me a whole new world.”

I couldn’t tell if that was sarcasm.

“You’ve already thanked me, haven’t you? No need to thank me again.”

“No, I mean with a gesture. As a token of my gratitude, I’ll do anything you want.”

“Anything?!”

“Anything.”

I thought for a moment. “Really, though, I don’t need anything like that. I’m happy I met you, too…”

“Come now, Araragi-kun. If you want to be a man, you’ve got to take full advantage of when a girl makes this kind of offer.”

“Actually, I kind of think the more chivalrous choice would be to refuse…”

“It’s not like a hopeless virgin like you will get another chance to fulfill your filthy desires.”

“Who says I’m a virgin?”

I mean, who says I have filthy desires?!

Senjougahara turned around and pointed at me.

“It’s written all over your face. It has nothing to do with how you were born. You have the look of a hopeless virgin.”

“I… will admit that I may be a virgin, okay, but are you any better?”

She turned back around.

“Of course. I have plenty of experience.”

“That would be a very dark backstory, even for you.”

“It’s best to do it in the dark, after all. That way they don’t see your body shape.”

“Even if that were true…”

She jumped up onto a swing and stood on it, motionless.

“Fine. Let me correct myself.”

“Oh?”

“I have no experience.”

“Ah?”

“I’m a virgin too.”

I jumped onto the swing next to hers, but facing the opposite direction.

“Hey, it’s not so bad.”

She looked at me with a wicked glint in her eyes.

“You know what this means, though, don’t you? The only girls you have even a remote chance with are desperate crossdressers with mental health issues, like myself.”


	4. Chapter 4

Now, setting aside yet another of Senjougahara’s obviously false aspersions—this time directed at both herself and me—after that, we went back to sitting on the bench.

“We seem to have gotten a bit off topic, but I really do want to do something to thank you.”

I raised my eyebrows. “That again?”

“Is there anything troubling you that I might be able to help with?”

“Hey, Senjougahara.”

“Yes?”

“Helping each other out is just what friends do. You don’t need to have a pretext.”

She looked away.

“I can’t believe how far I’ve fallen,” she mumbled. “To be lectured about the meaning of friendship by that irredeemable loser—I mean, extremely powerful human Araragi Koyomi… My past self must be positively aghast.”

Irredeemable?!

Just you wait, Senjougahara, I’ll introduce you to all of my friends. …Does Oshino count? ……Probably not. I hung my head.

“Cheer up, Araragi-kun. Despite what I say, I’m even more of a loser than you are. Aren’t you glad to hear that?”

“I am definitely not glad to hear that!”

I rubbed my chin. Something she could help me with…

“Senjougahara, you get pretty good grades, right?”

“That is my one redeeming quality.”

“There you go again…”

“What about it?”

“Well, we have proficiency tests coming up, right? I’m a little nervous, to be honest…”

“Oh, my, Araragi-kun. Whyever might that be?”

“My grades haven’t been too good this year.”

“That’s even less surprising than you being a virgin.”

I sighed. It’s not like I have any grounds to argue with that, but having it said outright to me was still a little discouraging. Undeterred, however, Senjougahara leaned toward me.

“Don’t worry. If that’s what’s on your mind, I suppose I can help.”

“Really?”

My face lit up.

Kind of like a dog.

“Let’s have a one-on-one study group.”

I smiled genuinely. “That would be great.”

Though that would make it less of a study group and more a tutoring session… Should I be paying her for this?

“It’s settled, then.”

She smiled thinly, and our eyes met for a few seconds.

“W-well, I hate to leave you alone on a day like this, but I guess I have to be getting home.”

“Don’t be so glum. At least you have a mother.” Before I could get in a word, Senjougahara let out a loud, lyrical sigh. “Though I don’t think I’d envy either of us, if I were a third party.”

I stood up. “Don’t be so glum yourself. I like to think, someday, we’ll be able to honestly celebrate Mother’s Day.”

“You do say some sweet things, once in a while.”

“Despite how I look, I _am_ something of a light novel protagonist.”

“Of what, a BL erotic novel?”

“A coming-of-age dramedy series!”

I sighed internally.

Senjougahara and I exchanged contact information and went on our separate ways. She resumed her walk around town, and I started pedaling my bicycle back the way I came. This time, though, I had quite a bit more energy in my legs.

Seems like every time we meet, she has that effect on me.


	5. Chapter 5

A few minutes later, as I was walking my bike across a train crossing, I was accosted by a stranger.

“Yo, Araragi-senpai. Fancy meeting you here.”

His plain yellow raincoat was open, and I could see a white collared shirt and smart-looking suspenders underneath. It was a somewhat odd look, given the lack of clouds in the sky, but his well-kept hair and broad smile gave me the impression he was very deliberate about his appearance.

I mean, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen him before, _somewhere_ …

I tried to remember where I might have met him, but I got a little too lost in thought; he smiled and waved at me yet again.

“Hi there. You are Araragi-senpai, right? From Naoetsu High School?”

Well, judging from the fact that he’s calling me “senpai,” he must be my underclassman. I don’t remember ever really interacting with any of them, though…

“Yes, that’s me. I’m Araragi Koyomi.”

“‘Koyomi,’ huh. That’s kind of a feminine name.”

I looked away and chuckled half-heartedly.

“Well, it’s in _kanji_.”

“I see.”

I looked back at him—he was still grinning. “Forgive me for being rude, but who exactly are you?”

He laughed. “I’m Kanbaru Suruga. Nice to meet you.”

What kind of person opens with “fancy meeting you here” before “nice to meet you”…?

“See? My name’s kind of feminine too.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that…”

Before talking about sounding masculine or feminine, “Suruga” sounds more like the name of a place than the name of a person. But I’m not Hanekawa—I don’t know everything.

“Actually, Araragi-senpai, I think ‘Suruga’ reminds me most of _surugadoi_.”

“ _Surugadoi_?”

“Edo-period bondage torture, of course!”

Don’t look so self-satisfied when you say that!

“I love how erotic my name is. It makes me excited whenever I introduce myself.”

I glanced over at Kanbaru with more than a little concern. What is it with me lately and meeting people with strange names who behave bizarrely during our first conversation?

Kanbaru waved his hand. “Don’t give me that look, Araragi-senpai.”

I decided not to pursue it.

“Well, Kanbaru, what did you want to talk to me about?”

If you don’t have some kind of agenda, there’s no reason to approach an upperclassman you’d never spoken to, particularly on a Sunday. I’m not sure what Senjougahara might say about it, but surely it’s no mere coincidence that he came across me like this.

“Oh, I was just off on my morning walk when I happened to see you chatting away with Senjougahara-senpai at the park.”

I cocked my head. If I’d never spoken to him before, did that mean that this smartly dressed underclassman had some kind of history with Senjougahara? But from what she’s told me, she’s kept herself in something like a castle with a moat since she started high school, shooting down anyone who even tried to approach with tar and arrows.

Or, to be specific, electric shock.

“Do you… know Senjougahara?”

“We went to the same middle school.”

Hmm. I see.

Come to think of it, that does seem like a pretty big flaw in her plan—if there was anyone who knew her from middle school, that would kind of give up the goose, so to speak.

“Don’t worry, my lips were sealed as soon as I set foot in Naoetsu High School. Probably the same way yours were, Araragi-senpai.”

Ah. I suppose that’s what she meant by “I’ve been successful at keeping the rumors as rumors for more than two years.”

“Well, that’s…”

Kanbaru stopped, and turned to face me. I stopped too. From this angle, I could tell he was a few centimeters taller than me—well, that’s not exactly unusual, but despite his cheery demeanor he seemed somehow to loom over me.

“I used to be friends with him.”

I narrowed my eyes.

“Her, I mean,” Kanbaru corrected himself. He put his left hand in his raincoat pocket.

“Sounds like more of the dark backstory,” I muttered.

“Unfortunately.” He shrugged. “You’ve picked quite the person as a friend, Araragi-senpai.”

His eyes almost seemed to be drilling into my skull.

“Or is she more than a friend…?”

I turned away and started walking. “Just a friend.”

“I see.”

He wasn’t keeping pace with me.

I turned around. “Is that all you wanted to ask, Kanbaru?”

“We should hang out sometime, Araragi-senpai. As the two men in Senjougahara-senpai’s life.”

That’s a downright creepy way of putting it. Didn’t he just say he’s barely spoken to her since middle school?

And anyway, I’m not so magnanimous as to go around playing therapist for every weirdo I come across. Especially if they’re not a cute girl.

I turned around without answering and got back on my bike.

Well, now that I think about it, could it be possible that Kanbaru’s trying to blackmail me? As in, “Do as I say, or I’ll tell everyone about Senjougahara”… If so, what’s he after?

As I pedaled my way home, I started seriously considering taking him up on his “offer.” Better safe than sorry, after all, and it’s not like _I_ had anything to lose.


	6. Chapter 6

Senjougahara Hitagi lived with her father in an apartment building called “Tamikurasou.” Although the pair seemed to be decently well-off, their home was nothing fancy; I suppose the one thing that might set it apart was the fact that Senjougahara’s room had an en suite bathroom with its own shower. Beyond that, however, her room seemed rather ordinary.

A couple days after our meeting in the park, I was formally invited to Senjougahara’s home for that one-on-one study session we had planned. Perhaps you might be expecting me to get a little nervous, flushed, even, at the prospect of being alone with a girl in her room—however, I’ll have you know that I used to visit girls’ rooms all the time in middle school.

Well, that might make me sound like something of a pervert, but it was really just one girl, and at the time she believed I was a girl, too, so it’s not quite the same.

Come to think of it, the reason I would visit her was also for one-on-one tutoring—I mean, study sessions… Good grief, will I ever tire of having my intelligent classmates tutor me? Ironically enough, that girl had taught me about mathematics, and now mathematics was the one subject I _didn’t_ need Senjougahara’s help with.

Who was she, again… My memory’s faint.

At that moment, though, Senjougahara returned with a plate of teacups and snacks, so I had no chance to continue probing my memory.

“I hope everything is to your liking, Araragi-kun.”

“Ah, I’m sure it is.” She set the tray down on the table, and I took a cup.

“If, on the off chance it isn’t, please don’t say anything. I’ll interpret it as a microaggression against my feminine homemaking skills, and I’ll have no choice but to punish you.”

“Don’t worry, Senjougahara.”

She looked at me expectantly.

Taking my cue, I took a sip from the teacup.

“Mm. It’s good.”

“Oh, I’m so glad!” Senjougahara’s smile seemed to be sincere. She sat down across from me at the table.

“You’re not still carrying that stun gun around, are you?”

“Now that you mention it, I have been a little less vigilant recently. I wonder whose fault that is.”

“I wonder, too. I’m sure whoever it is has nothing but good motives, though.”

“Well, that is reassuring.”

We spent the next few hours studying various subjects—except mathematics—that would appear on our proficiency tests. As always, it was more me studying and Senjougahara helping me.

I resolved to myself to find some way of helping Senjougahara study for mathematics. That’s the one thing I’m vaguely confident I can do.

As we were winding down our review of chemistry, I decided to broach the issue that had been gnawing at me since Sunday.

“Hey, Senjougahara. Mind if I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.” She didn’t look up from her notebook.

“Do you know Kanbaru Suruga?”

She broke the tip of her mechanical pencil.

“Kanbaru Suruga? Is that the name of a fetish from one of your porn magazines?”

“It is most certainly not that.”

“Oh, really.”

I have no interest in Edo-period bondage torture porn. Or, I have no interest in at _least_ two of those things. …It would be a lie to say I didn’t have any porn mags, though. At first I bought them because it seemed like the kind of thing high school guys would do, but, most regrettably, I ended up actually getting into them.

Senjougahara was looking at me with more than a hint of suspicion in her eyes.

Probably because thinking about my porn collection made me look extremely guilty.

“Kanbaru Suruga is the name of one of our underclassmen at Naoetsu High School. He said he went to the same middle school as you.”

“He _said?_ ”

Senjougahara abruptly stood up. She planted one foot on the table and crossed her arms.

“You _spoke_ to him, Araragi-kun? How? Have you been keeping even more friends hidden from me? Are you, at this very moment, plotting with Hanekawa-san and Kanbaru-kun to undo years of effort and expose me to ridicule in front of the whole school?”

“C-calm down, Senjougahara. I’m not plotting anything. Especially not with Kanbaru.”

“ _Kanbaru?_ You two must be quite close for you to say his name so plainly. You may be well-defended in the groin area, Araragi-kun, but perhaps you could stand to lose an optic nerve or two. Don’t move a muscle. My taser is charging in the other room.”

“P-please, Senjougahara. Lady Senjougahara. Queen Senjougahara…! Kanbaru came up to me on Sunday and said he used to be friends with you in middle school, that’s all, really. Not the eyes. Anything but the eyes!”

“My, is that so.”

She sat back down.

Dear me, this girl really resembles my sister Tsukihi sometimes.

Sweat had even started dripping from my forehead.

“Kanbaru-kun…” Senjougahara looked down at her notebook. “He was my underclassman in middle school, as you know.”

“Well, technically, he’s still your underclassman…”

She shot me a withering look.

“We were in different grades, but he was on the library committee and I was on the student council, so we had some interaction. And…”

“And…?”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. She seemed to be picking her words very carefully.

“We also had some interaction outside of school. We… told each other various things about ourselves that we hadn’t told anyone else.”

“Hm. So you were pretty close.”

“I don’t think I have the right to speak about that.”

What a strange turn of phrase.

“Why don’t you think you have the right?”

She sighed. “It’s not my story to tell. You should ask Kanbaru-kun yourself.”

Hmph. Well, to be honest, it’s not like I wasn’t expecting a backstory filled with secrets and twists and turns when I offered to be this girl’s friend.

“Maybe I will.”

She raised her eyebrows.

“He did invite me to hang out, you know.”

I might be imagining things, but the prospect of me spending time with Kanbaru seemed to make Senjougahara a little… embarrassed.

It’s not my hobby to make girls uncomfortable or anything, but I have to say, in contrast to the stoic face she usually wears, she looks _damn_ cute when she’s embarrassed.

Not that her normal face isn’t cute, too. It’s just a little obscured by her wicked tongue.

“I guess Kanbaru came up to me because he was surprised you let someone near you. Right?”

She looked away. “Yes, you’re probably right. I demanded his silence back when he first saw me at Naoetsu High School, and unlike you, Araragi-kun, he didn’t attempt any further involvement with me. I suppose he was… disillusioned.”

Her voice trailed off.

“Disillusioned… that you became a crazy taser-wielding loner?”

“I’ll show you a crazy taser-wielding loner. Wait _right_ there.”

“Joke, it was a joke, just a joke!”

Senjougahara actually laughed.

“Why do you _think_ he was disillusioned, Araragi-kun?”

“…I guess I know why.”

“There you go. My tutoring—I mean, studying assistance seems to have improved your brain function just a little. I’m proud of both of us.”

“Me too.”

“I’m sorry Kanbaru-kun has been following you around. He’s not a pretty girl, so you must find it annoying.”

“I don’t really find it annoying.”

She leaned back, propping her upper body up with her arms, and looked up at the ceiling.

“Ah, but I’m not a pretty girl either, so that means you also find me following you around annoying too…”

“Hey, Senjougahara. It was me who chose to get involved with you to begin with, remember? I don’t find you annoying in the least. …Just a little bit scary, sometimes.”

“Your efforts at consolation need improvement.” She kept staring upward.

“Well, anyway, about Kanbaru… You seem to have some pent-up feelings about whatever happened with him—I’d love to be able to ease your mind a little by getting to the bottom of this.”

She looked right at me—her face was _definitely_ a little red.

“Wow. You actually sound like you care about me…”

“I may not have known you for a while, but one thing I’m sure of is that I care about you.”

She leaned forward and planted her chin in her hands.

“Oh, gosh. If I were a man I’d fall for you right away.”

“How about you stay a woman and fa—” I caught my words.

That was close. It’s still way too early in the fic for that kind of scene, regardless of what happened in the original chronology.

“Well, anyway, setting aside that strange comment, is it okay with you if I talk to Kanbaru?”

She thought for a moment. “It’s fine with me. I’m prepared for whatever happens.”

“I hope that ‘preparation’ doesn’t involve electric shock…”

The night was getting dark, and it was about time for me to start biking home.

When I parted ways with Senjougahara at the entrance to her apartment building, she hadn’t quite lost the redness in her face.


	7. Chapter 7

The following Saturday, at the Kanbaru household.

“Well, this _is_ a surprise, Araragi-senpai.”

I had pressed the intercom at the gate outside this imposing Japanese-style mansion, but I’d hardly begun introducing myself before Kanbaru stuck his head out and greeted me.

“Hey, Kanbaru.”

“I didn’t actually think you’d show up… wait a second, how did you know where I live?”

“Senjougahara told me.”

He raised his eyebrows. “Does that mean this playdate has been sanctioned by Senjougahara-senpai?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Well, that’s just splendid. Come in, come in.”

He opened the gate—I sighed, and followed him inside.

I hadn’t spent much time in traditional mansions, but the Kanbaru home was about as picturesque as I could imagine. Sliding doors, rocks, inner gardens, the whole deal. I wondered how such an eminent family ended up producing someone as strange as this underclassman of mine… but maybe it’s _because_ he was raised in this environment that he’s ended up like this.

Or maybe not. I’m repeating myself, but I’m not Hanekawa; I don’t know everything. As a matter of fact, I know very, very little, as Senjougahara would love to point out.

When we arrived at Kanbaru’s room, I was even more taken aback.

Simply put, it was a nightmare—books, clothes, garbage, containers, food, gadgets, computers, bags, chachkes and who knows what else were strewn haphazardly across the floor; it was such a sight that I had to borrow from an obscure cultural lexicon I’d never even heard of just to begin to describe it.

“Kanbaru…”

He looked embarrassed.

“Sorry for the mess, Araragi-senpai. I wasn’t expecting anyone today.”

“Kanbaru.”

“Yes?”

“I hate to presume on my host, but would you mind giving me a half hour or so to clean this room?”

“…”

He scratched his neck. “I’d hate to presume on my guest…”

“I don’t care. Just let me clean this up, please.”

I expected him to put up a little more resistance, but he just shrugged and gave me a slight bow.

“Let’s do it, then.”

A full hour later (we’d only made a dent in the clutter at the half-hour mark), Kanbaru and I were sitting cross-legged across from each other in the center of a slightly less dingy room.

“So, Araragi-senpai. What brings you here today?”

“Well, I’ll be honest with you. It’s a pretty selfish reason.”

“Oh? What’s that?” He covered his mouth. “You’re not trying to two-time on Senjougahara-senpai with me, are you?”

“Of course not. And Senjougahara and I aren’t going out, anyway.”

I sighed. This underclassman might be a little hard for me to deal with.

“The reason why I’m here, though…” I looked down. “It does have to do with Senjougahara.”

“I could have guessed that much.”

He’s right about that. It’s not like we had any other connection with each other.

“I suppose I just want to know why you came up to me on Sunday…”

“Is that all?”

“More specifically, what… happened between you and Senjougahara?”

It was Kanbaru’s turn to sigh. He stood up and walked over to a circular window overlooking the interior garden, then, without turning around, let out an uncharacteristically hollow laugh.

“Araragi-senpai, you seem like a decent guy. I don’t entirely understand what Senjougahara-senpai sees in you, but at the very least, I’m fairly sure that you’re harmless.”

“Harmless?”

That didn’t sit quite right with me.

“Oh, don’t take it as an insult. For people like me and Senjougahara-senpai, it’s much closer to a compliment.”

“You talk like you know Senjougahara pretty well, for someone who hasn’t even spoken—”

“Araragi-senpai.”

Kanbaru cut me off. A little blood rushed to my head in preparation for an argument, but to my surprise, when Kanbaru turned around, he was smiling.

A thin, but honest smile.

“Let me just get the hard part out of the way. I’m gay.”

Ah.

Hmm.

“Oh? That’s a weak reaction. Could it be that Senjougahara-senpai already told you?”

I was kind of staring into space, but that shook me out of it.

“No. Definitely not.”

“I see. Well, that’s good to hear. I guess we’re both protecting each other’s secrets, after all this time.”

“…”

“Still, I’m surprised by your lack of reaction. Most of the time, guys can’t hide their shock or revulsion when they find out.”

Do I look like that small of a person?!

Don’t answer that. I meant in a figurative sense.

Wait, don’t answer that either!

I cleared my throat, but Kanbaru continued, stroking his chin.

“Well, I suppose if you’re Senjougahara-senpai’s boyfriend, then this type of thing is hardly outside your wheelhouse, so to speak.”

“Listen, Kanbaru.”

“I’m listening.”

“Why do you keep acting like you’re living in an alternate timeline where I’ve been going out with Senjougahara for months?”

He stuck out his tongue.

“You’re really oblivious, Araragi-senpai.”

And you must be inhumanly perceptive, to be able to tell Senjougahara’s love fortune just from catching a glimpse of her last weekend. Really, I’m jealous.

“That’s all I needed to see, though.”

I narrowed my eyes.

“It’s simple, Araragi-senpai. _That’s_ the kind of person who falls madly in love with the first guy who shows them a speck of kindness and understanding.”

…As surprised as I was to hear that said so plainly, I couldn’t help but feel as though Kanbaru was disparaging Senjougahara. I got a little angry.

“I don’t think that’s true.” We’d only been friends for a couple weeks at most, and she’s threatened to tase me on every occasion when we’ve met. I don’t know much about love at first sight, but none of that fits the pattern.

“I really think it is, though. I can’t be one hundred percent sure… and you’re right that I haven’t been close to Senjougahara-senpai since middle school. But, at the very least, I know myself, and I know that the same exact thing happened to me.”

“What same thing?”

Kanbaru slumped down against the wall.

“Imagine this, Araragi-senpai. If you were a gay kid coming to terms with his sexuality in _middle school_ —a.k.a. just about the worst possible place to go about doing that—and a cool, collected, respected and admired upperclassman swooped in and rescued you from the self-loathing and bullying like a knight in shining armor, if you’ll forgive the hackneyed phrase… and that upperclassman told you _he_ was gay too? Wouldn’t you just fall head over heels for him?”

Dear me.

Yes, I’m starting to see it.

Not whatever Kanbaru thinks is up with my relationship with Senjougahara—I’m still fairly sure he has the wrong idea—rather, I’m starting to understand why Senjougahara acted the way she did when I brought up the subject of her old underclassman. I mean, current underclassman.

I rubbed my eyes.

“That upperclassman was Senjougahara, I take it.”

“Indeed.” Kanbaru grinned widely, as if trying his very best to lighten the mood. “Anything else on your mind?”

I wasn’t quite as ready to move on, though.

“You said you fell head over heels for her… Did she, uh…”

“Oh, that. No… Senjougahara-senpai never told me why, but he always rejected my advances. The whole thing was my one-sided, unrequited crush.”

“Hmm. What happened when you enrolled in high school?”

“I focused my boundless reserve of gay energy into BL and crossdressing.”

“I meant with Senjougahara!”

“Oh, Senjougahara-senpai. You should have said so.”

“Isn’t that what we’ve been talking about for the last five minutes?!”

Also, don’t reveal shocking information about yourself on a whim, please!

Even if that does explain the makeup I found while cleaning his room…

Kanbaru stuck out his tongue again.

“Before I answer that, let me ask you something.”

“Hm?” I inadvertently tilted my head.

Kanbaru walked back over to the center of the room and sat down in front of me.

“Do you know what it’s like to have someone you’re close to suddenly reveal they’re not who you thought they were?”

“Huh?”

“Do you have siblings, Araragi-senpai?”

“Two little sisters…”

“Two? Well, isn’t that extravagant. Every day must be sheer bliss.”

“Don’t make me out to be some kind of trashy anime protagonist.”

“Weren’t you a trashy light novel protagonist?”

“That light novel series is a highly respected cultural achievement, a seminal work in the genre—nay, the entire field of young-adult fiction. It’s anything but trash.”

“Ah, sorry. You’re the protagonist of a trashy fanfic of that series.”

Don’t casually insult the author like that.

You’ve been on thin ice for a while, with all these pronoun problems; don’t go making things worse for yourself.

“Sorry, sorry.”

…In any case, the whole “little sister” thing is an idiotic delusion of people who don’t have them. I love my sisters, sure, but they’re about as far removed from “moe” as I could imagine.

“Araragi-senpai.” Kanbaru’s tone became earnest again. “What if one of your precious little sisters told you one day that she’s not actually part of your family?”

“Like… she’s adopted? To be honest, that wouldn’t really change how I felt at all…”

“I thought as much. That’s the kind of person you are, Araragi-senpai.”

I’m honored by the compliment.

Kanbaru continued. “What if she turned out to be not your little sister, not even unofficially?”

“I’m not sure what you’re getting at. Like, if she turned out to be an alien or a _youkai_ posing as my little sister?”

He laughed. “Something like that, yeah.”

“Hmm.”

I closed my eyes and thought about it. Kanbaru, however, seemed to take that as a cue to keep prodding me.

“Just before he graduated, Senjougahara-senpai told me something that just shattered me. Kinda like that.”

I blinked my eyes open.

“Before you tell me, let me answer your question.”

“Huh? Oh, right… Go ahead.”

“I think, even if she was an alien, or a _bake-danuki_ , or even a North Korean spy, as long as she was my little sister, I’d love her as my little sister.”

“…”

Kanbaru looked startled. “W-well, Araragi-senpai, that’s very nice and all, but… But what if she wasn’t even your little sister?”

“Wasn’t that the premise of the question?”

“I mean, what if she was _actually your little brother?”_

“…Then I’d love him as my little brother.”

He gaped at me.

“Not quite as much, though, since little sisters are much cuter than little brothers.”

Exasperated, Kanbaru rubbed his face with both hands.

“I give up, Araragi-senpai. I don’t know who helped you become so stupidly open-minded, but I take my hat off to whoever it was.”

I chuckled inwardly. This must be the first time anyone’s tipped a hat to either me or Oshino Meme.

“Let me get this straight, Kanbaru, if you’ll forgive the turn of phrase.”

“I won’t, but please continue.”

“…Basically, Senjougahara became your confidant because you were both gay. But then, when she graduated, Senjougahara told you that wasn’t actually it? That, actually, she was a _girl_?”

Kanbaru stretched. “You’re smarter than I imagined, Araragi-senpai.”

“Senjougahara’s been a good influence.”

“Of course. You’re right, that’s basically how it went. I felt betrayed and angry… not that a man of your stature would stoop to sympathize with someone like me, if you’ll forgive the turn of phrase.”

“I won’t, but please continue.”

“Hah. I’m starting to see a little bit of what Senjougahara-senpai sees in you, I think.”

“Thanks, I guess?”

“You’re very welcome.”

I suddenly got tired of sitting and stood up. This conversation with Kanbaru Suruga had been enlightening—for the most part—but strangely exhausting, for how little time it’s taken.

Stretching my arms and legs in an almost exaggerated fashion, I once again asked this underclassman of mine the question he’d so deftly avoided answering.

“So, after she graduated, you spent a year apart from Senjougahara. What happened when you enrolled in Naoetsu High School?”

Kanbaru sighed deeply, but this time decided to respond honestly.

“What you’re probably expecting. I saw Senjougahara-senpai in a girls’ uniform, and then got a stapler jammed down my throat.”

A stapler?

“It wasn’t exactly the object I’d fantasized about.”

Hey. At least you didn’t get a stun gun on your crotch.

“Oh, that sounds much more erotic.” He put his hand on his cheek. “Ahh, I just keep getting more and more jealous of you, Araragi-senpai.”

I neither need nor want that kind of jealousy!

I was finding it very difficult to sit back down. As rude as it might be, I was starting to feel like I wanted to leave the room, leave Kanbaru’s house, right away. It was something along the lines of claustrophobia, or maybe just an overwhelming feeling of awkwardness—it’s not as though I’d started to hate Kanbaru, but this mood… for some reason, I couldn’t really stand it.

“Kanbaru…” I said hesitantly. “Want to go for a walk?”

“Mm… sure?” He stood up, and gave me a quizzical look. “The sun’s going to set soon, though.”

“That’s fine; it shouldn’t take long. Just to the park, alright?”

“All right…”

Wordlessly, he led me through the winding corridors of his traditional mansion to the entryway. He donned his yellow raincoat, and we set off walking into the afternoon sun.


	8. Chapter 8

“You know, Araragi-senpai. If it’s the pleasures of the flesh you’re after, I could work just as well as Senjougahara-senpai.”

“What on Earth is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, I may be a little on the taller side, but I’m confident in my crossdressing ability. I’ve got a decent face, and I keep a good skincare regimen. Plus, I’ve watched a ton of makeup tutorials. I think I make a pretty cute girl.”

I shot an irritated glance over at Kanbaru.

“There are so many things wrong with that, I don’t even know where to begin.”

He put his hands on his cheeks in mock surprise. “Araragi-senpai… With that build and that face, don’t tell me you’ve never considered crossdressing.”

_There are even more things wrong with that!_ I couldn’t think of a single way to approach an answer.

Luckily, he seemed to take my consternation in a slightly different way.

“Ah, sorry. Are you the type who has a complex about that sort of thing?”

“I… uh, well. I wouldn’t say I’d object to a few more centimeters in my back or shoulders, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that my giantess sister stole all the height genes in the family.”

I do sometimes question the gods why it was me and not Karen who wound up this way, though.

“What a wonderful sense of self you have. Yet another thing I’m jealous of.”

I held back the urge to walk faster. Every time he says he’s jealous of me, an uncomfortable chill runs up my spine.

“Anyway, I’m serious. Far be it from me to slander Senjougahara-senpai’s abilities, but I think my crossdressing is good enough to satisfy you.”

_That way, you don’t have to defile my beloved Senjougahara-senpai_ —he seemed to be silently adding.

“Kanbaru, you can’t replace Senjougahara. I’m sorry.”

“Am I too ugly…?”

“No, not that—”

“Here I was being so concerned that you were having compatibility issues with Senjougahara-senpai because you were both tops, so I, as a switch, just wanted to provide what you’re so desperate for… To think you were actually a bottom, Araragi-senpai…”

“What’s that supposed to mean!?”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know what bottoms and tops are.”

“I know what they are. What I’m trying to say is—the reason you can’t replace Senjougahara has nothing to do with sexual compatibility or how good you are at crossdressing.”

“Is that so.”

Kanbaru sounded a bit dejected.

“Yes. Well, the most important reason is that WE’RE NOT ACTUALLY A COUPLE.”

“Aha. If you shout it that loudly, I guess I have no choice but to be slightly convinced.”

“The second reason is, well, people just can’t replace each other. You can only be yourself… Trying to become someone else is more than a fool’s errand, it’s practically an act of self-harm.”

He laughed cynically. “What a discouraging statement. By that logic, isn’t Senjougahara-senpai’s whole high school career a foolish act of self-harm?”

I thought for a moment, then continued.

“I’m not saying people can’t change themselves… I’m not saying everything Senjougahara’s done at Naoetsu High School has been perfect. But she’s not trying to become someone else.”

“She’s trying to become a different version of herself. Someone totally different than the person I knew.”

“Hm, I don’t know about that.”

“What do you know about it? It’s not like you went to our middle school. You didn’t know Senjougahara-senpai like I did, back then.”

As we drew closer to the park, I could feel Kanbaru’s slick affect and amicable pretenses finally start to slip away. We were both beginning to get worked up.

Personally, I felt much better.

“It’s true, the only Senjougahara I’ve known is the one at Naoetsu High School, and even then just for a couple weeks. Still, I know she’s not trying to be someone else.”

“How do you know?”

“Kanbaru, if you’ll let me borrow a page from your book… I can’t be one hundred percent sure, but do I know _myself_ , and that gives me some confidence to say I know _her_.”

“…What are you saying you have in common with Senjougahara-senpai? Even if you were gay, that still puts me ahead, doesn’t it? I’m gay, and I’ve known her for much longer.”

Kanbaru was starting to sound like a child.

“Hey, Kanbaru. I really, really, really don’t like saying this if I don’t absolutely have to, but…”

We crossed the entrance to the park. I looked at the bench where I’d met Senjougahara the week before, but kept walking.

“Senjougahara and I are like two sides of a coin. She’s trying to be a girl, and…” I looked away. I really do hate this part. For Senjougahara, though, I’ll endure it. “I’m trying to be a guy.”

Kanbaru stopped next to the swingset.

“Hold on, Araragi-senpai. You don’t mean—”

“That’s exactly what I mean.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait…”

Well, I suppose the disbelief is validating in its own way.

Doesn’t make it any less awkward, though.

I turned around. Kanbaru was squatting with his head in his hands, visibly distressed. Resisting the urge to think, _How do you like that?_ , I walked over to him and looked down.

“There you have it, Kanbaru. Not to be overly sappy, but if I can be true to myself, then I know Senjougahara can be true to herself. Everyone finds themselves at different paces, but you should trust in Senjougahara to be the ‘senpai’ you admire _and_ the girl I care about.”

I knelt down to give my underclassman a pat on the head.

However, it seemed I vastly overestimated my ability to give a moving speech.

Without looking up, Kanbaru slapped my hand away.

“Don’t touch me.”

I stood up and folded my arms. If my nuclear option—a surprise coming out, that is—had failed, then it looked like I might have to wait for Plan B.

Or, in this case, Plan S.

“I still can’t accept it,” Kanbaru muttered. “You can’t just waltz in and steal the person I’ve known for five years.”

The only features of his face I could clearly make out under the hood of his yellow raincoat were his eyes, glimmering red in the light of the setting sun.

“Listen, Kanbaru. I’m not trying to steal anyone. I’m not dating Senjougahara, I’m not after her body or anything like that. I’m just being her friend.”

“Well, aren’t you special.”

“I’m not special. I’m just me.”

“That’s what everyone who’s special says.”

I sighed. At this point, I doubt arguing with him would do any good. He needs to get years of pent-up emotions out of his system, and I’m sure as hell not the one who can do that for him.

At best, all I can be is a punching bag.

A foil for the real stars of this show.

“You know, Araragi-senpai.” Kanbaru’s voice was quiet. “I honestly envy you.”

Another shiver ran up my spine.

“Why’s that?”

I didn’t expect much of an answer—

“But more than that, I hate you.”

—And I didn’t get one.

I got close to Senjougahara when he couldn’t, yes, I know.

I could debate things logically with him, but logic was not going to help.

“Feel free to hate me. Just don’t hate Senjougahara.”

“I hate you.”

Kanbaru finally stood up. Even so, in the dim light, only the reddish-orange glow of his eyes was discernible.

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you—”

“Uh…”

My eyes darted left and right, but when I looked back, Kanbaru was still standing there, menacingly. This was, apparently, not an act.

“I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you—”

Kanbaru was hunched over, making him look almost like a troll or an ogre in his big yellow raincoat. The thought briefly occurred to me that I should consider running away, but couldn’t; I had to stay at this park to see things through.

“I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you…!”

His voice grew steadily louder.

As I started to lose count of the times he said “I hate you,” he lunged at me.


	9. Chapter 9

I am not a natural fighter.

Sure, I’ve had my fair share of spats with my sisters, but it’s not like I ever stood a chance in a physical contest with Karen, and Tsukihi’s too small for it to be a fair bout.

Regardless of what Senjougahara may say, the domain in which I’m capable of fighting is the spoken word. If I can’t sort something out through conversation, I’m probably doomed to lose.

Which is exactly what I was doing with the monster that had been my underclassman Kanbaru Suruga.

I don’t think Kanbaru was really trying to hurt me—at least, I’d like to believe that—but rather, he was trying to impress upon me the extent of his anger. With his fists.

I tried to hold him back, but he easily threw off my grip on his shoulders and landed a big punch into the center of my chest. The wind partially knocked out of me, I staggered back.

He grabbed me by the collar and threw me down—I landed on my ass, but luckily avoided the tailbone.

“I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you…”

The demon in the raincoat towered over me. I stood up, shakily, only to be whacked in my ribcage so hard I fell down again.

Hey, this isn’t the original novel. I don’t have supernatural regenerative abilities in this AU. Be careful, please.

“I hate you. I hate you.”

Floundering, I pushed myself away with my ass still on the concrete. The monster stood there, heaving and muttering.

I can’t run away.

If I leave, the resolution will never come, and Kanbaru will only sink further into self-loathing and unhealthy longing.

Having attained a few meters of distance between me and my assailant, I tried to stand up again. He came running at me; I braced myself.

This time, all he did was push me, but it was done with such force that the wind was completely knocked out of me and I fell onto my back. Although I didn’t land on my head or anywhere dangerous, I bit my tongue on the impact. I could taste warm blood in my mouth.

As anyone could have predicted, I’d been soundly beaten.

I didn’t have the strength to get back up.

The demon straddled me, locking my arms to my torso underneath himself. With one hand on the ground next to my head, he wound up his other into a fist, and prepared to strike.

My field of vision was hazy, but as I watched him mumbling in front of me, I thought I heard footsteps from behind.

“You two seem to be having fun.”

A husky, feminine voice cut through the cool twilight air.

“Araragi-kun. Kanbaru-kun. Sorry to keep you waiting.”

As Senjougahara Hitagi strode up beside us, the demon—Kanbaru, that is—quickly dismounted me and scurried a good distance away. He was sitting on the ground, but his hood had fallen off; his face looked panicked, as if shocked at what he’d just done.

Senjougahara squatted down next to me and grasped my head with both hands.

“Are you okay, Araragi-kun? Do you need first aid?”

“It looks rougher than it is,” I said falteringly, attempting a grin. “I’ve been through worse with my sisters.”

“I see. You’ve really outdone yourself this time.” She grabbed me under the shoulders and hoisted me onto the bench—I was surprised she could lift me like that.

“You’re an idiot among idiots, Araragi-kun. A true fool’s fool.”

“Oh, I’m just getting started. You haven’t seen half the depth of my idiocy, Senjougahara.”

She smiled—a real, broad smile—then got up and walked over to Kanbaru.

“Long time no see, Kanbaru-kun. I’m glad you’re doing well.”

With my head finally off the ground, I could see that Senjougahara was wearing a hoodie and leggings with sneakers, though I couldn’t quite make out the colors. Her hair was tied back in a ponytail, but it was by far the most androgynous-looking outfit I’d seen her in. She must have rushed out the door as soon as I texted her.

And I’m very lucky that she did; if she hadn’t, I might not have gotten off with such light injuries.

“S-Senjougahara-senpai…” Despite being the one delivering the beating instead of taking it, Kanbaru’s voice was even more ragged than mine.

Senjougahara, trusting some mysterious instinct, knelt down and straddled Kanbaru the same way he had been straddling me.

“I’m sorry I didn’t speak to you for so long.” She looked him in the eyes. “I thought it would be easier for both of us if we cut all of our ties. That way, you would be able to move on from your obsession, and I could keep playing out my new life without any ties to the old.”

She took Kanbaru’s hands in hers, forcing his back to the ground.

Tears began pooling in Kanbaru’s eyes and snot leaking from his nose. Senjougahara was gazing fixedly at his face—in perfect contrast with the emotional turmoil beneath, her form was serene, cool and collected.

Respectable and admirable, one could add.

Kanbaru spoke in a halting voice.

“Senjougahara-senpai… I love you.”

“I see.” Her reply was immediate, and she remained unperturbed. “I don’t love you.”

Kanbaru closed his eyes, letting tears stream down his cheeks. Senjougahara caressed his face, wiping away some of the tears.

“Would you have been happy dating a girl, Kanbaru-kun? Then, now, in the future, in all the stages of my transition?”

“Senjougahara-senpai…”

“I could never be the boyfriend you wanted. The boyfriend you deserve.”

She bent down. Her face was just a few centimeters away from Kanbaru’s. I couldn’t see from where I was, but somehow I knew it wasn’t her stoic face she was showing him, but something much warmer.

Kanbaru blinked back more tears.

“I know you’re a good person, _Suruga_. I was too much of a coward to properly face you until now.” Her voice was soft, but steadfast. “I regret abandoning you instead of helping you understand me. You were my only real friend.”

She glanced over at me. “I’m ashamed it took Araragi-kun getting beaten to a pulp to bring us together again.”

Hey, I didn’t get beaten up _that_ badly.

I thought, still swallowing blood.

Kanbaru choked out an “I’m s-sorry”—it was loud enough that I thought it might be directed at me.

“Araragi-kun told me that if a friendship is strong enough, it can survive a rejected confession of love.”

Did I say that…?

Oh, dear, she’s talking about Hanekawa.

Well, not that Hanekawa’s confessed to me or anything. It was just a hypothetical.

“Would you like to stay at my side, Suruga, knowing we can never be together the way you used to dream about?”

Kanbaru nodded his head. He may have been the tallest of us, but at that moment he seemed more like a little kid.

“I’m happy to hear that.”

Senjougahara sat up and wiped her hands on Kanbaru’s shirt.

“I’m going to give you my latest contact information, and then I’d like you to go home for today. I have some important things to discuss with Araragi-kun. Is that alright, Suruga?”

Kanbaru nodded again. Senjougahara stood up and offered him a hand, which he took with so much force he nearly pulled her back down.

After getting up and dusting himself off, Kanbaru looked at me sheepishly.

“No worries, Kanbaru. I’m fine,” I called out.

The two old friends exchanged their phones, entered the relevant data, and said their goodbyes. Senjougahara saw Kanbaru off with another warm smile and a regal wave—when his yellow raincoat was out of sight, she turned to me.

Or perhaps I should say “rounded on me.”

The warm smile was gone.


	10. Chapter 10

I’d seen Senjougahara wear many faces—the wry smile, the deadpan look, the embarrassed blush, and every expression between _tsun_ and _dere_ —but that was the first time I saw her angry.

She stalked over to where I was resting on the bench and crossed her arms. It was a similarly artful pose to the one she’d taken when accosting me in the hallway—luckily for me, this time she wasn’t carrying a stun gun.

“You’re hurt, Araragi-kun.”

It sounds like something one would say out of concern, but this was most definitely an accusation.

I smiled awkwardly. “Really, it’s nothing that won’t heal in a few days.”

“That is not the issue.”

“I-it isn’t?”

“You deliberately put yourself in a dangerous situation.”

“Hey, I was just trying to keep Kanbaru here until you arrived. If I’d ran away, you guys wouldn’t have gotten the chance to reconcile.”

“You don’t know that.”

I put on a self-deprecating smile.

“I don’t, but I don’t mind playing a punching bag for a few minutes.”

“That doesn’t make me happy to hear.”

“It all worked out in the end, though, right? For Kanbaru, and especially for you.” I made a show of averting my eyes. “You went from gloomy bitch with no friends to gloomy bitch with _two_ friends.”

Senjougahara’s eyes were shining, as if she were about to start crying.

D-did I say too much?

I figured she’d be able to handle her own words thrown back at her as a joke, but…

“That’s what really makes me mad,” she said in a quavering voice. “You did this to yourself for someone like _me_.”

Ah, so _that’s_ it.

In a way, that was almost reassuring.

I was still a little winded, but I pushed myself up as high as I could on the bench and looked Senjougahara in the eyes.

“Like I said, this really is nothing, Senjougahara.”

I did my best to put on a stoic face of my own.

“Sometimes it’s a man’s job to take a few punches for the woman he loves.”

Senjougahara’s eyes widened, and her pretense of poise collapsed even further.

“I…” She covered her mouth with one hand.

I’m not entirely sure why I said it; maybe spending all that time with Kanbaru and his assumptions about my relationship with Senjougahara had a more profound effect on me than I’d realized, or maybe I’d simply discovered something that was already true.

But, most of all, I wanted to sound cool.

 _That_ part, at least, appeared to have had its desired effect.

“Araragi-kun, as much as you saying that makes my knees weak and my loins stir, and I assure you that it does, it certainly does, it doesn’t make me any less concerned.”

“Concerned about what?”

“This propensity for self-sacrifice you seem to have.”

She sat down beside me on the bench.

Very close to me.

Our hips were touching.

I took her hand in mind.

“Sometimes you have to make sacrifices to fix a problem. If those sacrifices don’t need to be other people—if they can just be _me_ , then I think that’s perfect.”

I looked at Senjougahara. She was gazing down at her feet, eyes still shining.

“I’m saying you don’t have to do this, Araragi-kun. I know you think of me the kind of desperate sexual minority who’ll fall in love with the first person who shows them a speck of kindness and understanding—”

Hey, those are Kanbaru’s words, not mine!

“Senjougahara.” Ignoring the taste of blood in my mouth, I spoke as deliberately as I could. “If that were true about me, I’d be in love with Hanekawa, but I’m not.”

She looked up at me, and our eyes met.

“And if that were true about you, you would be in love with Kanbaru, wouldn’t you? But you’re not. You weren’t lying to him over there; I could tell.”

She sniffled.

“I don’t even want to think about the sheer number of coincidences—real or fake—that must have worked together to make us meet in the way that we did, but everything that’s happened since then has been no coincidence.”

“Araragi-kun…”

“And, to be honest, I find talking to you really fun.”

“Even though we haven’t spoken that much?”

“That’s right.”

“Even though I keep threatening to tase you?”

“…Not that I find anything fun about being tased, mind you. But yes, that’s right.”

“I…” Senjougahara cocked her head. “I want to talk to you more. I want to… how to put it…”

She turned her whole body toward me.

“I want to put in the effort to justify the way I feel about you.”

“Me too.”

Tears began slowly dripping down her face, but she smiled through them. With her hand still grasping mine, she got up from the bench.

As she tried to pull me with her, I tugged her back.

“Say, Senjougahara…”

She looked at me over her shoulder.

“Mind being a little explicit, just this once? I hate ambiguity at the start of relationships.”

“Mm. I understand.”

She dislodged her hand from mine and swung around, planting herself in front of me. It was a similar posture to the one she’d taken earlier, but her feet seemed a little further apart, as if she were drawing on the ground for support.

Eyes glistening, Senjougahara Hitagi put one hand on her waist and pointed up at the sky with the other. It looked like some kind of superhero pose, I thought, but she quickly brought her arm down and pointed directly at my chest.

“Araragi-kun—”

My heart started thumping. Regardless of what I’d just asked her, I was taken aback.

Then again, everything this girl does is a bit over-the-top; what else should I have expected?

“I love you.”

I smiled, and she smiled back.

“Thanks.”

She looked away. “You’re going to take responsibility for making me do something this embarrassing by walking me home, right?”

I hoisted myself up from the bench.

“Of course. Leave it to me.”

I may have bruises and cuts all over my body, and my chest may be pounding from having the wind knocked out of me several times, but just then, all I could think about was the girl in front of me.

In other words, this is Araragi Koyomi in his best condition.


End file.
